This husband and
wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they
go off to bed.
However, as soon as they settled down, the man leans over and whispers softly,
"Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes
yet."
The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first."
So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands
flat on her face. Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh my
little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"
No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three
hours. Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she
trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.
Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy bitch."
Two carrots were
walking down the road one day when all of a sudden a car drove by and hit one
of them. The other carrot took the injured carrot to the hospital.
After examining him the doctor came into the waiting room and said, "I have good
news and bad news. The good news is your friend will live. The bad news is he'll
be a vegetable the rest of his life."
One day, after
a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a
problem."
"What's the problem, Adam?" God replies.
"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this
beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Adam?" comes the reply from the heavens.
"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all
of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."
"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman'
for you."
"What's a 'woman,' Lord?"
"This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature
I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you
want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know
your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens
and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will
be the perfect companion for you" replies the heavenly voice.
"Sounds great."
"She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."
"How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?" Adam replies.
"She'll cost you a leg, an arm, an eye, an ear, and a testicle."
Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his
face. Finally Adam asks God, "Uh, what can I get for a rib?"
