A convicted felon
was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail,
he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news.
Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little travelled routes,
running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of.
Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell. His wife opened the door
and bellowed at him, "You good-for-nothing bum! Where the hell have ya been? You
escaped over six hours ago."
A couple was invited
to a swanky masked Hallowe'en Party. She got a terrible headache and told her
husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband, protested, but she
argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was
no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and
away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain and as it
was still early, she decided to go the party. In as much as her husband did not
know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her
husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance
floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here
and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive
babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new
stuff that had just arrived She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since
he was her husband.
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they
went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight,
she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering
what kind of explanation he would make for his behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had.
He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're
not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there,
I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played
poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I
loaned my costume to..."
Three guys are
in a doctor's office. One is a drunk, another's a smoker and the third's a gay
guy.
The doctor tells each of them that, if they induldge in their bad habit one more
time, they will die.
Outside they pass a bar. The drunk says, "I don't care if I die, I need a
drink." The drunk goes into the bar takes a drink and, sure enough, he drops
dead.
Meanwhile the smoker and the gay guy are walking along. Then the smoker spots
a lit cigarette on the sidewalk.
The gay guy looks over and says, "If you bend down to pick that up, we're
both dead."
