An old man went into confession and told the priest: "Father,I'm 81 married with six boys and 13 grandboys. Last night i had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls.Twice."
"I see," said the priest. "When was the last time you were in confession?"
"Never,Father", replied the old man. "I'm Jewish"
"So why are you telling me?"
"I'm telling everybody!"
A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on - the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but, nothing. Then I tried with-my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She - tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She - even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth-out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and-she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" the old man replied, "yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the DARN jar open!"
A man enters a
barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems
he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby
drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest
shave the man has ever experienced.
After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow
it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else
does."
